So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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