3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
