I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
