I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
