Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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