dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
