I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
