I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I didn't notice because vodka
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
