before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
