Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
