he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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