The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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