someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
