he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
