At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
