whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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