A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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