I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize