I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
