The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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