I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
