Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
