hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
