I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
