anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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