just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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