ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
