Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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