yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
