Your face is a jimmy john
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
