now i know why i became what i already was.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
