I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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