but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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