She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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