I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
