i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
