I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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