Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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