Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
