I hate all girls vehemently.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
