You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
