True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
