my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
