69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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