you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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