It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
