I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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