I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
