the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
