Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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