That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
