I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
