as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
