She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
