can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I believe in your delicious
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
