we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
