She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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