I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
