I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
