Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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