i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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