She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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