In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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