i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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