i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
