speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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