no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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