tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
