you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
