the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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