I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
