what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.