The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.