I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.