At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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