Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
